My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
