You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Congratulations! We have a period
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
