I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
