dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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