You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
