Jerry, you need to find god
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
