Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
