I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's like iHOP with fire
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
