I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
