Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
