you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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