It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
