can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
