I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
