I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
honey bunches of taint.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
