I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
