We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
