Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
