i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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