Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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