I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
