I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
