My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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