he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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