I'm laying in your front yard are you home
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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