saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
