it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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