he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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