you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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