What did we do last night that was yellow?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
