I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
