....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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