Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
