It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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