Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
