So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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