Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
