If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
