If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
