I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
