I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
