Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
did i just pee glitter
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
