Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
