I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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