Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
be right there i have to get my cape
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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