I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
