Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
