i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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