In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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