And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
plz talk dirty to me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
