There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
