I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
