she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
