I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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