my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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